This article ran in the January 1966 issue of SURFER.

Once upon one time get dis big fat bugga in one da kine red and white Lauhala, he like take plenty toy stuffs to all da keiki’s aroun da work. Chee, dis bugga so fass he make ’em all ovah da place in jes one nite.

All ye-ah long he live in da snow by Califrisco somewhere, wid one whole bunch menehunes an dey make all kine toys like you nevah beleve.

Plenty ye-ahs was gone already and dis bugga never went stop in Hawaii, cause no more chimilys on da house, an he like show how he can clime down chimilys, expeshly da hard kine.

One shocka day, dis small beachboy was bitin’ hes toenails an he went say, “Mo bettah I go write dis bugga, all da haole guys come ovah an dey tell me dis guy went give’m for Chreesmess.” So he went write one letta to da Sandy Claws for get his okole ovah heah wid all da free toy stuffs.

Jes cause dis, whatch you tink went happin da nex ye-ah? Wen Chreesmess went come aroun, da small boy went put hes head outside da window (he no comb hes hair you know) but he went spock dat Claws bugga way out on top da horizontals paddgeling for one big wave outsigh Public Bats. Da ting was way ovah hes head, too. He shoot’em all da way thru Cunha’s, smokem thru Queens, an no keedin dis bugga had one big opu shakin jes like one bowl full poi. Hes face look like one ovah-ripe downside-up pineapple, an look like he nevah went shave for tree or even fo aloha weeks. On top hes head had one big red papale, an I never beleve wen I went see da big Lauhala bag on top hes bak stay full of plenny toy stuffs.

Wen da boy went see dis he went comb hes hair fass, brush hes teet wid Gleem, bite all hes dirty fingahnails off, an went run down for see Sandy Claws land on da beach.

Dis Claws was one shap surfer! He went cut bak an ride da curl tru Canoe’s and bye’m bye went step right on da beach, an mo queeka den you can say Duke Kahanamoku he went put all da toy stuffs an bawds in front da Royal Hawaiian Hotel. Queek like one jax rabbits, he jump on hes bawd again an went padgle by Diamond Head for da horizontal. Even wen he was far away we went hear him exscreem, “Merry Chreesmess to all you guys an Alohaaa!”

"DA KINE CHREEMESS FAIRYSTORY," BY ROBERT, RAYMOND, AND RONALD PATTERSON (1966)

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