Cintra Wilson described two-time world champion Damien Hardman as “monstrously capable but cursed to be the Richard Nixon of the surfing world,” and if any other world tour pro has been carved up that neatly I’d like to hear about it. In surfing, as with every other sport, a world title does not always confer popularity. Mick Fanning never won a SURFER Poll. Adriano de Souza has yet to crack the Top 10. But Hardman, aka Iceman, the Narrabeen-raised goofyfooter who won WCT titles in 1987 and 1991 (and was runner-up in '88 and '92), found an altogether higher level of unpopularity. Factoring for the absence of social media, Hardman can safely be called the champion of unpopular world champions.

There is a bit of Iceman is all of us, however, and a wintry voice in my head wonders if maybe Damien got a raw deal.

It doesn't bother me in the least that Hardman was a predictable surfer. Give me flair and dazzle, yes, and by all means let us drop our biggest handfuls of petals at the feet of BK, Buttons, Dane Reynolds and the rest of surfing's great improvisers. But such appreciation doesn't have to come at the expense of those who deal in polish and refinement. Gerry Lopez' wave-riding style was as predictable as a sunrise. Same with Midget Farrelly, same with Mick Fanning and Steph Gilmore—some of our very best adamantly do not freestyle. "My whole trip was pretty calculated," Jeff Hakman once told me, without shame or guilt. "You could always tell what I was going to do, even before I did it." Watching Damien Hardman surf gives me the same feeling of appreciation as sitting in my car outside the Apple Store, lifting a flawless new iPhone from its flawless packaging. Everything, inside and out, top to bottom, is burnished, meshed, fitted, and synched. Furthermore, while making the edit you see at the bottom of the page, I was struck by how much better Hardman was in the second half of his career, when he added 10 pounds of muscle and found a new gear in his top end. Backside surfing was always a Hardman strength, but at Bells throughout the '90s he and Tom Carroll were the only two goofyfooters who could consistently bring the heat against Mark Occhilupo.

But the real rap on Hardman of course was that he couldn't ride big surf, and that one's harder to finesse. The man who once rang up seven event wins in a single year, and was at or near the pointy end of the ratings for nearly all his 16 seasons on tour, never won a contest in Hawaii and blew not a single mind at Pipeline or Sunset. "It's stupid that he's world champion," Christian Fletcher said, choosing his words with trademark delicacy and care, "and he can't paddle out when it's over six-foot." 

On one hand, you'd want to say Fletcher hasn't thought this through. The tour was set up in a way that allowed Hardman to win despite the fact he didn't ride big surf. So blame the WCT. Blame former tour director Graham Cassidy. Don't blame Damien. In fact, why not tip your hat to the masterful way he planned out the season, strategically and tactically, so as to cover his weaknesses and play to his strengths. He won those titles fairly, squarely, convincingly. 

On the other hand, dammit, Fletcher's right. Nobody wants to 

 their way into appreciating a champion. Big surf matters. World champions must, on occasion, lift the kilt, wave the sword, and rush into the breach. Hardman never did.

Finally, we have to deal with the whole "Iceman" business. Hardman himself believed, correctly, that he was given that name due to his calculating nature. "To me," he once said, "surfing was almost like a game of maths." 

But it went further than that. Again, Cintra Wilson: "The Iceman is coldly serious and basically impossible for teenage girls to get a crush on."

So there you go. Hardman earned his level of popularity just as surely as he earned the two world title trophies. And my guess is he's done the maths and gives not the tiniest fraction of a fuck.

DAMIEN HARDMAN WANTED YOUR SCALP, NOT YOUR LOVE

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